Melissa's space

...It's like you need to know that someones always there for you. Like

your not alone in this world. Loneliness is never sweet as it only makes

us bitter and sour inside. I believe the cure to the blues unfortunately is

not wallowing in self pity or having a date with Ben & Jerry's, but finding

the strength to break free of our own shackles buried in fear, denial, and

our interpretation of our self-worth.

        Why do we allow fear to ruin us instead of taking the reigns for our

own? When your a kid there's no stopping you from doing what you

wanted. if you wanted to draw on the wall knowing mommy was going to

have a fit, you wouldn't stop; if anything hearing no was a bigger   

incentive to the yes you were thinking in your head. How come as we

grow up we actually obey to the no's of thing we want to do? And the

worst part is that as an adult, sometimes its not even someone telling

you no but yourself.

           That's ridiculous how our mind frame from childhood to adulthood

is changed so dramatically to the point that we fear our own ambitions.

As I lie here thinking of all the ambitions I created, everything I want to

do, and of them all maybe a few have I followed through due to fear.

Ridiculous as I'm not the only one. No way am I justifying my actions of

for that matter my lack of actions. Fear, loneliness, jealousy, and not

letting go of the past is like a disease that is hard to cure. Not everyone

one has the ability to overcome them so easily. Of course everything

can be psychological but holy shit sometimes its a long psychological

realm. When to go? When to stop? How to know? Whose to be?

Whose to blame?

              So many questions unanswered in the minuscule of our time 

frames as life tends to be an hour glass, yet lived as though we're

immortals with no expiration date. You know it's so tragic the mere fact

that it takes a tragedy for humanity to open their little self absorbed eyes

and see that life is relatively short. A death in the family, a 9-11 even,

the titanic sinking, Bal Harbor war, Iraq bombings, etc. But of all the

tragedies, never like a personal one that affects you. Yet we feel

remorse, we open our eyes, and then give it a couple of weeks and

we're back to living life full throttle, carelessly and forgetting about the

important things, or even being grateful for everything we have.

                 Unfortunately not even the most heart warming essay, poem,

or even story can cause one to change.Perhaps influence can cause a

great deal of guilt, but for one to take it into consideration and apply 

changes to our life- once again comes from strength within.

Sometimes certain people in our lives serve just for a purpose.
Perhaps to help save you from hurting yourself unconsciously, or maybe to distract you while you go through tough times. Everyone has a purpose in life, whether we recognize it or fail to even acknowledge it. We grow so attached to those who we care for, that we than become selfish and don't recognize their reason, or purpose, but instead take advantage of them. When one leaves our side we are left unspoken, no words to describe what we feel, as anger overcomes us and we come up with every excuse as to why they should of stayed but fail to recognize their purpose in our life. Some stay forever, others stay temporarily. Some come and go whenever they want while others vanish as quickly as they came. And then some others take time to depart. Either one, whichever it is, it always hurt when they aren't or are with us...